Wednesday, May 26, 2010

What politicians say...

...and what they mean:

1. "My opponent represented his country well during the war." (TRANSLATION: "I can't call him a draft dodging wimp.")

2. "We are working with our allies and closely monitoring the events." ("Nope, no one has a freaking clue what is happening. And we probably won't for several days.")

3. "If this bill becomes law, our nation will never recover." ("Look, mom, I'm on the news and making an a** of myself at the same time.")

4. "I am proud to have the endorsement of the _________." ("Dear Lord, what is this going to cost me in return?")

5. "I'm a champion for America's working women." ("Let me see, I've had an affair with that one...and that one. And, wow, that one over there.")

6. "I will not sacrifice my principles in order to win this election." ("Uh, I've already sacrificed my principles to get this far.")

7. "I'm thrilled to call President ________ my friend." ("God, I so want his job some day. But for now I'll smile big and wide and act like I actually care about this guy.")

8. "Washington is out of touch with real America." ("Washington rocks. It's so cool. I so want to be there.")

9. "________ is deeply committed to this issue." ("Get in line, people. Get in line.")

10. "I was hiking the Appalachian Trail." ("I did not have sexual relations with that woman.")

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